I want to have your abortion
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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