At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
