I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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