Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
