My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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