In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize