Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize