I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My liver just had a heart attack.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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