HIV tests are more positive than that guy
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
