wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize