If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
