Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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