after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
