Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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