haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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