just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I supernannyed him into submission
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize