then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
