i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
