I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The beer is more important than you right now.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
