I think I died a long time ago.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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