i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
