anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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