im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
