It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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