Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌ðŸ»ï¸
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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