I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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