real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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