At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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