I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize