HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
