im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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