turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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