Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize