you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
