How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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