he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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