Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
