Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
