Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
