Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
