and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You're my little dorito
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
