i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
