THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
