Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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