OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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