I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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