Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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