my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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