i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
