What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize