Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize