Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
