someone threw a dead crab at me
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
