Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
