forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
