I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
