I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
