sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
