I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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