so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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