How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
