He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
