I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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