what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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