My sheets look like a crime scene.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
