i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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