I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
What a dumb baby whore.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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