Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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