Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
