i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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