Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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