i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
