i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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