In the future we'll all be gay
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
